forgiving the past

At 12 years old I realize I couldn't live a happy and free-willing life without forgiving my most damaging past.  A past full of drugs and hate; challenging yet filled with determination; sad secrets and lingering lies that created falsehood personalities and dangled dangerous liaisons distinctively molding a geeky freak>me.
I gave in to the last straw of raw reality when My mother was high off heroin and bargaining my brand new high-top white reebox princesses to her hustleman.  It didn't bother me one bit that my favorite pair of shoes were being sold for her unstoppable habit. It did polish my emotions with steel to feel confuse, lost, and unwanted!!  When the guy walked away with my shoes and my mother went the opposite direction, I began to cry!  I wanted someone to want me or even bargain for my love.  Did she even care how I felt?  Did hustleman know how traumatizing this was going to have on me and my development?  I cried and I prayed!  The only friend, mother and father I had was in my creator> GOD!
He spoke to me easily with no hesitation.  His messages were so clear and so real>>just forgive them!  There can never be a resolution when there is anger and more anger on top of that anger.  There cant be vengeance in my heart if I wanted to be loved and forgiven myself.  I had to let go of the constant pain in order to replace it with overpowering love.  I even had to forget how terrible it felt when I begged for My Mother and she kept on walking away.  I had to forgive my father for not fighting for me..I had to recognize that those moments were small compared to the big future God had planned for me. 
HIS plans to give me what I didn't have...REAL LOVE and family.  I had to accept that shit happens and it happens to everyone for very specific reasons called life lessons.  You don't know anything about life at 25 or 35, and you have got to be around long enough to APPLY THOSE LESSONS!!  Trying to be apart of a solution involves applying the lessons to your problems. 
~~I have modeled, sang, wrote poems and stories; but living free is true art!!  ~~~I have lost my mother and father but gained a husband and beautiful kids.  ~~My entire childhood was conflicted and stress but I learned to be me and live free through forgiving and loving my closest enemy... #2B>>